


Moving On

by Fangirl_Forever



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, Feels, Hurt Magnus Bane, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Character Death, POV Magnus Bane, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Sad Magnus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-07 00:25:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12829353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirl_Forever/pseuds/Fangirl_Forever
Summary: Magnus is trying to move on, but it's not easy.





	Moving On

**Author's Note:**

> Mostly in the "Shadowhunters" verse with a little TMI easter egg thrown in.

Magnus and Alec giggled together after they stumbled through their front door, trying to undress each other and themselves at the same time. When Alec bent over slightly to remove his shoes, Magnus followed him so he could keep kissing him. Alec laughed against his lips, kicked his shoes out of the way, and grabbed Magnus’s face. Magnus walked backward into the living room and Alec followed, their mouths never parting for more than a minute. When Magnus hit the back of the couch, he grinned against Alec’s lips and then, gripping Alec’s shirt in his fists, he threw the Shadowhunter over and onto the couch. Alec let out a surprised sound when he landed on his back and Magnus easily vaulted over the back of the couch to straddle him, chuckling. 

Alec sat up and pulled at Magnus’s shirt impatiently. “Easy, darling, this is an expensive shirt,” Magnus murmured.

“Then get the damn thing off, before I cut it off,” Alec retorted huskily, lifting the shirt up to expose Magnus’s chest. Chuckling, Magnus lifted his arms and let Alec pull the shirt off completely and throw it across the room. Then Alec’s hands were on his back, pulling him against Alec’s, unfortunately, still clothed chest. Magnus reached for the bottom of Alec’s shirt, but Alec laid back flat on the couch, taking Magnus with him. Magnus gasped, and his hands jumped to Alec’s shoulders, holding his torso up slightly. Alec spread his legs and Magnus settled in between them, bringing their bodies flush together. Magnus eagerly dipped his head to kiss Alec again. Alec lifted his head to reciprocate.

The kisses blended together then, and Magnus didn’t know how long had passed before Alec ended it by pulling away. He stared up at Magnus and smiled softly before he murmured, “I love you.” 

Magnus woke up, breathing hard. It took a moment for his mind to register that he was awake and when he did, he swore. He rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling as tears filled his eyes. He blinked several times, letting them fall freely. He cried silently for several minutes, congratulating himself that it was only tears that morning. Some mornings he woke up sobbing. Those nights were both the best and the worst, the ones that hit him so hard. 

After a while he felt like he was, for the moment, okay, so he sat up in bed. He wiped his face and wearily climbed out of bed. He almost didn’t make the bed but he could hear Alec’s voice in his head reminding him to do it so he waved his hand and the bed made itself. He stared at the empty bed and more tears filled his eyes. He clenched his eyes shut and hurried out of the room. He bypassed the kitchen, ignoring his stomach’s hungry rumbling, and threw himself into a chair. He sat, staring at nothing, for a few minutes before his eyes focused on the bottle of liquor sitting on his coffee table. It was already half empty and he grimaced as he remembered opening it just two days ago. In his head, he could hear Alec’s sigh, both disappointed and worried. Swearing again, he shot out of his chair and summoned a glass in his hand while he reached for the bottle. 

He quickly filled the glass, somehow managing not to spill any in his haste, and downed half of it in one gulp. He ignored the burning and dropped down onto his couch. He finished the glass in another gulp and then refilled the glass before he put the bottle back on the table. He clutched the glass in his hands, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. The burning disappeared too fast and too soon he could hear Alec’s voice in his head again. He squeezed the glass as hard as he dared, what little sense he had left trying to keep him from drowning his sorrows again. He battled with himself for a few minutes before he slammed the glass down on the table, sloshing liquor everywhere. He jumped to his feet and started pacing. More tears threatened to fall but he could feel the storm building in his chest and he refused to let it out. At least, that’s what he told himself. After two minutes of furious pacing, he couldn’t hold it in anymore. 

He suddenly stopped and screamed, a long, sorrowful sound that echoed through his apartment. It only lasted a few seconds and after it ended he started trashing his apartment, giving into his rage and grief. He knocked things over and threw things around, not paying attention to what was in his hands. Throughout this frenzy, he cried, sobbed, and screamed, over and over again, until finally his throat was sore and his voice was hoarse. By then, he had moved through every room of the apartment and was standing in the doorway to his bedroom. 

Seeing the empty bed almost set off another outburst and he reached for the blankets on the bed, intending to rip them off. But as he stepped close to the bed, he happened to glance down and see the corner of a box sticking out. That stopped him instantly. His breath caught in his throat and with horror he realized what he had done and had been about to do. He dropped to his knees beside the bed and pulled the box out slowly, handling it with care. His hands, shaking, hovered over the lid for a moment before he carefully lifted it and set it aside. More tears fell down his cheeks as he looked at the various pictures, piled haphazardly inside. 

His mind helpfully reminded him that the last time he had looked inside the box was the last time he broke down, just three days ago. Part of him, the part that still cared, was appalled at the state the pictures in the box were in. But then he focused on the picture on top of the pile and he couldn’t help but smile through the tears. It was a picture from one of their vacations in Paris, a random picture he had taken while lounging on the bed of Alec, standing on the balcony of their hotel room, in nothing but the black pajama bottoms he always wore to bed. Only Alec’s back was visible and Magnus set it down and searched for another picture that had his face on it. The next picture he pulled out made him laugh. 

He shifted until he was leaning against the side of the bed. He held the picture up, remembering the day it was taken. It was Madzie’s birthday, the year after they had officially adopted her, and Izzy had taken a picture of the three of them together. They were all dressed up for the party and smiling at the camera. Right after the picture was taken, Madzie had blown out her candles and Alec and Magnus had, at Magnus’s urging, snuck away for a few minutes while everyone else had cake. In his head, Alec laughed with him and to his surprise, hearing Alec didn’t upset him again. Instead, it made him want more and he carefully went through each picture, taking his time with each memory. 

He had dozens of pictures from every vacation and celebration and dozens of candid pictures of them at home. He looked at each one, struggling not to focus on how Alec aged with each picture and instead focus on how happy they were in the picture. Finally, he came to the last two pictures and despite his efforts, the one he picked up first almost undid him all over again. It was a picture of Alec and himself, the last picture taken of Alec on his eighty-fourth birthday. In the picture, his hair was no longer black, having turned completely grey years earlier, and his face was full of wrinkles and laugh lines. Magnus smoothed his thumb over Alec’s face, sniffing back tears. But underneath the signs of old age, Magnus could still see the young, vibrant, powerful Shadowhunter he had fallen in love with, and he had loved the Alec through every stage of his life, including his old age. 

The picture brought up the day Alec had died, peacefully in a bed in the hospital wing with Magnus and Madzie at his side. Magnus and Madzie both had used their magic to keep him healthy and whole for as long as they could when it became obvious his age was starting to affect him. They had even brought in Catarina and gotten her help. It had worked for several years, until finally Alec couldn’t hold on any longer. Even though it had been expected, and Magnus had prepared for it as best as he could by making sure Alec was comfortable and had nothing to worry about in his final days, as well as making sure he left nothing unsaid between them, it was still a shock when it happened. And now, two years later, the pain was still as fresh as the first day without Alec.

He wiped his eyes multiple times before he gingerly set the picture down, touching Alec’s smiling face in the picture one last time. He then picked up the last one in the box, which was the picture strip from their day in the photo booth. He closed his eyes tight and pressed his lips together to hold in the sob threatening to bubble up. He waited a moment before he took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, and opened his eyes. He turned the picture strip over and read the message written in pen for him so many years ago. The picture strip had faded with time and so had the ink but the message was still readable. 

“Aku cinta kamu,” Magnus read it quietly aloud. He bit his lip and dropped his head back against the mattress. He sat in silence, cradling the picture strip to his chest, for a long time, tears slowly leaking down his face. An hour passed and he finally was out of tears when his phone went off on the nightstand. He sniffed and wiped his face clean and then gently set the picture strip up on the bed before he stacked the rest of the pictures back inside the box. He put the lid back on it and slid it under the bed again. He stood up and stretched before he picked up his phone. He unlocked his phone and found a text message from Madzie. He smiled at the lunch invitation and quickly replied to it. He tossed his phone on the bed and picked up the picture strip. 

He slowly sank down onto the bed, staring at the pictures. A few minutes passed and his thoughts were interrupted by another text message. He checked the message and then set his phone aside without responding. He stared thoughtfully at the picture strip for another moment and carefully set the picture strip on his nightstand, leaning it upright against his lamp. He stared at it for another few seconds before he kissed his fingertips and touched them to Alec’s face on one of the pictures on the strip. That done, he stood back up and rubbed his hands together. 

“Time to get to work, Magnus,” he told himself, and in his head Alec responded with something sarcastic. He smiled and hurried to clean up his mess.

**Author's Note:**

> Tomorrow is the two year anniversary of my fiance's death and each day of this month has been harder than the last as it approaches. So, I started writing out how I feel sometimes when the grief hits, how I wish I could cope, how I wish my fiance had died, and some other things. 
> 
> For those keeping up with my "Prom" fic, I have started on the next chapter, but as you can probably imagine writing has been extremely hard for me this month so unfortunately there isn't much done yet. I hope to have it finished sometime in December though. Thank you all for the patience and support!


End file.
